Best Laid Plans

I want to
do it again
and again,
and….

To feel that warmth.
To hear your laugh.
To taste sadness
on my lips
as I smile.

I want you
to look into my eyes
as I joke and
hide the pain.

I need you
to remember me,
the ecstasy
as I swallowed hard
and drowned myself.

You have to know that
feeling was like a drug.
I wanted nothing more
than to kill the parts of you
deep inside of me.

I wanted
to forget, but I remember
everything.